I need to hate YOU

I still got your hoodie hanging by the door I keep it there like you're just stepping out for more I know you're not coming back, I know the story's done But every time I try to move I come undone I've been going through the reasons you were wrong Been trying to build a case all night long But every flaw I find just makes me miss you more I don't know how to close this door So give me something I can use against you Give me a lie I missed, a crack I can see through I need a reason cold enough to let this go Because loving you is all I know I need to hate you to forget you I need to burn what's left to let you go I need to hate you just to get through Every morning that I wake up still alone But I can't hate you — that's the problem Every time I try I just fall back in love I need to hate you just to free myself But you won't give me enough You won't give me enough I've been talking to my friends about what you did Trying to hear it back through someone else's grid They say you weren't that great, they list it all out loud But even hearing that I'm standing by you in the crowd I went and scrolled back through every fight we had Tried to feel the anger, tried to feel the bad But all I found were all the ways I wanted you to stay And all the stupid things I should have said that day So tell me something awful, make it easier Give me a version of you I can't miss Because the one I'm holding onto in my head Is keeping me from getting out of this I need to hate you to forget you I need to burn what's left to let you go I need to hate you just to get through Every morning that I wake up still alone But I can't hate you — that's the problem Every time I try I just fall back in love I need to hate you just to free myself But you won't give me enough You won't give me enough Maybe if you'd screamed at me Maybe if you'd been cruel Maybe I'd have something sharp to hold onto But you were gentle when you left You said you were sorry, you cried And that's the thing that's killing me the most How do you hate someone Who broke your heart Quietly It's been three months and I still check my phone Still hear your voice in every song I've known I tried deleting everything — your number, every photo But you're burned into the spaces I can't let go I need to make you the villain of this story Give you teeth and edges, something I can run from But every version that I build just falls apart 'Cause you were never the problem in my heart I need to hate you to forget you I need to burn what's left to let you go I need to hate you just to get through Every morning that I wake up still alone But I can't hate you — and I hate that Every time I try I just fall back in love I need to hate you just to save myself But I never learned how I never learned how I need to hate you I just need to hate you Why can't I hate you I still love you That's the problem That's always been the problem